Horseshoe Awards Return, Part Deux

It's time once again to recognize those hapless writers/speakers who enliven my daily grind with their wonderful language near-misses. As long as there are those who will call a Rolex a Rolodex watch, there is laughter in the world, and I, for one, am grateful.

The latest point of light was spotted at al.com, a Web site for Alabama newspapers. Teasers scroll across the top, with links to news stories. I was intrigued as this message rolled by: "Overturned truck was filled with young beer cattle…" Well, that was a bit disturbing. What hath genetic engineering wrought? I had to click on that one, of course. The headline made clear the unfortunate bovines were "beef cattle," but for just a moment I thought maybe we lived in a world where Bossy produced Budweiser.

On a recent episode of "Pawn Stars," the bald guy says of a 19th-century revolver that was purported to be a gift to Theodore Roosevelt, "There’s no providence.” Are you kidding me? Dude! One day you're just a bald guy in a somewhat seedy business, the next you're a star of the small screen. Providence has been really, really good to you. (For those few of you who do not watch this show or "Antiques Roadshow," the word he wanted was "provenance.")

Want more beef? I spotted "calves liver" on a menu recently. I am not a fan of liver, anyway, but the liver of conjoined calves? A rare delicacy, to be sure, but a big "no, thanks" from this diner.

Horseshoe Awards go out to all the above. Let me know if there are any more sightings of the elusive beer cattle.